Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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