i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
