glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize