worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
