you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
