if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize