Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize