does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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