His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
