he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Farmville is her only friend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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