You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
