i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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