with your own penis?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
