the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize