We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
