your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
