he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
