If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
