my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
