TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
