This girl is more easily done than said...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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