Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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