There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
