I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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