a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
