forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
