Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
