Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
