Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
