Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
