You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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