i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
