im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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