After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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