No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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