Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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