good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
