So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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