i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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