What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
