I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drunk is a universal language darling
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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