we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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