; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
