Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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