Your mouth is God's brothel.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Green mimosas i think yes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
