you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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