the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
