Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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