I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sober January is a disaster.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
