Your dad touched me again.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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