who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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