Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
