Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
