Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
