I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
