you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So vagazzling was a success
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
