My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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