They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
