He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
