How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
