somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
