I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
