Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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