Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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