I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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