yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
